His Nametag Said Hello My Name Is: Goodbye Now Die
by TwiliteTGRgrl
Summary: Unsolved mysteries involving that bad boy Youichi Hiruma DARN IT! And they are solved with a BAM and WTH! And random lol-ing author on apple juice! Read and succeed! Hiriori & Sensuza
1. YaHa To Heck! Black Eye To Heaven!

**His Nametag Said ****Hello My Name Is: ****Goodbye Now Die**

_Summary: Yoichi Hiruma is a very mysterious youth…who really needs a hug. But um…the heavy artillery kinda throws people off. Football is a violent sport. Ping-pong is not. Or is it? Computers can't lie. But computer-hackers can. Allergic to cream puffs. (Huh? HUH!? HUUUUUUHHH??) Hiruma's weakness. Bad news. I've been threatened and I'm writing this! Spiderman hates him? Boxers or briefs? Spinich dip or fruit cakes? Ham or rye? OR HAM ON RYE?! _

**Hiruma: Sam I am…I hate you. Ham is a dead pig. Which will be you soon. Slings gun**

**Author (Sam): (he found out my real name?!)**

**Characters: Heck all of em!**

**Plot: Only Hiruma knows. Some Hirimori and Sensuzu and NO gay crap. shudder**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Eyeshield 21. And Suess is the Dr. round here not me.**

_A/N: Please pardon Hiruma's French. I've been interrupted from my Bleach fics by this stupid coolio story. Enjoy. DARN YOU! :3 (H has rubbed off on me.) Attention, this is TwiliteTGRgrl's dark side. ShadowTwiliteTGRgrl. All happy smiles exit the ride before momma comes with her pet tiger. Whose friggan hungry. Please don't be a bakamono and not review. I've got conections. (will except anything thrown my way…except stewed peanuts cuz that's sick. Save the food for the real animals of this zoo. Like Monta.)_

_Random Song of Moment: CrushCrushCrush by Paramore_

**Chapter One: Ya-Ha to Heck! Black eye of Heaven!**

Word was out faster than the word 'word' could be written in English by a speedy chestnut. Yeah. Gears were turning in everyone's minds, and once inhibited, they just would keep on crawlin around like a cockroach, no matter how many times its head was hacked off. Was there any logic to any of these theories floating about the curious air? How the heck was anyone supposed to know! The only one who could answer was him, himself. And everyone knew that devil would take that answer with him to the grave. Or wherever he was going.

People murmured about it all day long, sneaking glances at the man in question if brave, and wondering all the while…was it true? The door to homeroom slammed open with a deafening crack. There he was the whispers confirmed. No doubt about it. The lanky demonish youth, walked with cool confident strides into the classroom, popping a meaningful bubble of sugarless gum and a leering glance at the shuddering teacher before making the usual snide witty comment. "Get back to work damn teach. These kids need some knowledge or they won't get nowhere in life! Think about all the Mickey D's without employees! Kekeke!" With bag slung over his shoulder, he calmly strode to his desk in the back row nearest the window. A heartfelt nametag handcrafted with love on the front of it said, "My desk damn it! Ya-Ha!" Eyes of course where all boring into him so he rebelliously stared every pupil's pupil down 

until they all looked away, for fear of meeting the snout of his menacing black bazooka strapped to his back.

"WHAT THE HELL YA STARIN AT EFFEN BIGMACS?!"

No one made another glance and whispers around him stopped like a flow of oxygen. And the lack of it suffocated all who was stuck near the intimidating blondie. But in their inquiring minds, the question still stood. How did Hiruma get a black eye? The thought of him ever receiving an injury like that was so mindboggling that the perplexing situation is under that word in the English dictionary! A fight? Nah. Who was that suicidal? Football? Nope. Minus his broken arm, he always wore a helmet so it didn't add up to the eye injury. THEN WHAT?

The answer was simple. Mamori knew what caused it. Heck it was so amusing she just about died on sight, but she felt bad for the boy's pride and clammed up.

"Hey Mamori-neechan!" Sena had stumbled into the clubhouse once Hiruma left for a brief moment, dying with curiousity, the rest of the team dancing with wonder.

"Hello Sena!"

"How'd Hiruma get that black eye? I mean I don't mean to be nosy but…I mean..um"

"SENA YOU'RE CURIOUS TOO!" A chorus of gruff voices growled impatiently at the chibi.

Mamori just smiled. "Well it's a funny story. But I can't say." She finished gathering paperwork and her clipboard and started outside, the others following closely. They gulped when they saw who was standing there with arms crossed and a rifle propped against the ground at his feet.

The pretty brunette ignored his warning glare and signaled with their special hand signs. _Did. You. Destroy. The. Evidence? _

Hiruma snarled angrily while replying the same way. Everyone just stared dumbly by the silent exchange. _Damn. You. Effen. Manager. That. Broom Came. Out. Of. Nowhere._

Mamori laughed. But on the inside she sighed. Now she had to buy a new broom and the budget was so very tight right now.

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_**Sam: And I bet a broom tree is wilting right now. Crying for its lost child. Burned to a crisp by a flamethrower.**_

_**Hiruma: Damned right it is!**_

_**A/N: Yeah so that was weird for a 4 AM story right? But when I have inspiration its sommat I can't undo. Like Sena not being able to be rude. Hate my story? Well go grab a pickle…name it after Larry **__**the Cucumber's half cousin Jerry, throw it away and drink pickle juice! XD :3 R&R Button below is NOT a self destruct button. Maybe.**_


	2. Do You Know the Spiderman?

**His Nametag Said ****Hello My Name Is: ****Goodbye Now Die**

_This Mini's Summary: Let's take a look at that infamous black book of dirt shall we? Well first we'd have to formulate a plan to distract him and then um…you go in the front and I'll go the back and push! (Spongebob quote) Well that ain't gonna work. And what the heck does Spiderman have to do with a Japanese manga character?! HOW THE HECK SHOULD I KNOW?!_

**Mamori: Um you wanted to see me?**

**Me: Yeah Miss…Mamori is it?**

**Mamori: Yes.**

**Me: You're it.**

**Mamori: ?**

**Hiruma: She means you're gonna be the decoy effen goody-goody!!**

**Me: Nevermind…he found out my plans…sigh.**

_Characters: Heck all of em!_

_Plot: Only Hiruma knows. Some Hirimori and Sensuzu and NO gay crap. shudder_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Eyeshield 21. Or spandex wearing mutant arachnid attacked super peoples. (thank god. Spandex doesn't breathe like cotton.)_

_A/N: Should I? Well everyone knows of Hiruma's language. Everyone in the world has heard and seen his mug at least once for a blackmail right? __**(Hiruma: Waffles incident? Me: Darn you Hiruma shut up!**__) Join the dark side now. And not hafta wear sunscreen__**! (Hiruma: This is a freakin long intro damn waffle! Me: Sigh I know.)Kudos to my lonely reviewer 72669! I LOVE YOU! And to my fanfic buddies!**_

_Song of Mo: Viva la Vida by Coldplay_

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**Chapter Two: Do you know the Spiderman? (sing it baby!)**

_Cliché! Soo damn cliché! _Hiruma Yoichi thought furiously, his pointed teeth clenched in absolute frustration, his emerald eyes narrowed as if trying to penetrate through the now locked clubhouse door because the smoking firearm in his hands sure didn't do the trick. "Tch." He growled as the brunette manager poked her head out from under the desk Hiruma was always typing away on. Her ears where still ringing from the furious rounds the quarterback had fired off at the door.

_This is like a cliché situation a crazed fangirl drunk on apple juice would create!__1_The spiky headed blonde thought darkly as the dust settled in the clubhouse. _Or maybe some meddling shrimps! Oh if he finds out it was them…!! _He lowered his arsenal of weaponry and sighed in defeat (or something like it since defeat never occurred in his mind). He turned to face the scowling girl, now staggering to her feet.

"Well effen manager looks like we're stuck here a little while until I can call Musashi away from work and give us the spare key." His weapon was slung over his shoulder and a large pale hand pulled a stick of gum from somewhere in the depths of his school blazer. He chewed on it thoughtfully before walking back to his desk to resume typing who knows what on that laptop as if nothing had happened and he had planned staying here all night anyways.

"So that's it?!" He peered at the girl shaking in anger beside his desk.

"What are you talking about damn manager?"

"That's all you can think of for an escape?!" Her blue eyes burned viciously into his green. "The brilliant Hiruma is stumped by a door and I'm stuck here when there is so much left to do outside and at home?!"

She was at her limit. The past few days were spent cleaning up after Hiruma's violence, working on strategies, and trying to stay awake after hours of homework and fewer hours of sleep. All she wanted was a quiet night at home, gathering some sleep after working so hard.

"There has got to be an-!" Before she could finish however, the demonic boy had appeared suddenly and thrust an angry hand over her mouth, pushing her against the wall behind her. It was an act so despairingly out of character that the shock of it and the force of the hand clasped over her lashing lips quieted her. Deadly shadows shaded his face, his mouth a grimacing line, his body strung with fury. For the first time, Mamori was afraid of this man. He never touched her before. Touch was forbidden for him (besides kicking).

Her heart was pounding as fast as Sena's legs, her body quivered involuntarily as she searched for the boy she had grown accustomed to, the boy who hid all emotion from prying eyes, the boy she knew while mature in thought was… in her view, was still just a lonely boy who longed for purpose. "H-hiru-…ma." She gasped under his hand. Seconds ticked and the hand remained firmly clamped.

"Listen manager," his voice was eerily smooth and calm, Hiruma's face still shaded away from her. Mamori couldn't help but note the absence of profanity in front of her title and shudder. "There is no other possible way to get out of here. The doors and windows are basically bullet-proof. The structure of this building will collapse on us if I try to blast it up. Musashi doesn't get off till 12:30.There is 0 chance of escaping here now."

His hand loosened and freed her mouth, but his face was still close to hers. "So I suggest…" His eyes were suddenly extremely visible now, intense and frightening as he leered with an emotion she couldn't name, his mouth daringly close to her ear, breath warm. With widened eyes, Mamori felt her shaking body intensify while she struggled to control her fear. She felt a fiery blush glance her cheeks when his lips came nearer her ear. "…that you calm down and stop all that effen yelling… damn manager."

And then he was gone. His back was turned and he simply strode back in the direction of his desk. From her point of view she couldn't see that his eyes were abnormally blank with a barrier shielding his innermost thoughts. _So…she really does fear me._ He thought grimly. And for some reason the blonde quarterback couldn't feel the exhilaration of pleasure that he usually got whenever someone quivered at his violent antics. He felt…guilty. Something he hadn't felt since… No the past was the past and nothing was gonna change that. Guilt was petty and a needless emotion that didn't matter. Not when winning was all that mattered. He couldn't afford to be weak. Not now.

"H-hiruma." Her voice was nervous but he could feel that she stood confidently in her posture. He wouldn't face her. "Hiruma. I must apologize for my childish behavior." She took a few hesitant steps toward the tall boy ahead of her. He remained facing the other way, silent. "And I…was… I said something cruel and rude to you and…please forgive me. I must've let my lack of sleep talk. Well…I mean yell. So-"

"Kekeke! Damn right you yelled!" Hiruma grinned, eyes no longer hollow but with the usual piercing intelligent gaze. He continued his journey to his comfortable typing position on the desk, legs propped up, and gum snapping. Mamori dumbfoundedly stared at his change of attitude and shortly softened. She realized that this was his way of forgiving and apologizing for the hand contact. "Geez damn manager, didn't know what a grouch you are when you don't sleep. Ever tried coffee?"

Mamori sighed and walked to the small kitchenette in the clubhouse. "I guess I'll make some then. Hiruma?"

"Black." He called.

She felt better, and smiled faintly as she started the brew. "Of course."

Accentuated with the clacking of keys, Mamori moved toward the pile of endless homework and strategy while the coffee started to gurgle to life. "Guess I'll work on this while I wait for the coffee." She said with a tired voice. Green eyes darted in her direction over the laptop's screen.

"Can't that wait, damn manager?" His voice was different. She shot her head curiously in his direction, but he was looking at the bright screen again.

"Um well the strategy and paperwork needs to be done by next Tuesday for the game and my English homework is due tomorrow so…"

Still not looking up from his computer he clacked on his fingers dashed rapidly like blurs. "Heh. Mrs. Yamamoto right?" The coffee maker gurgled in the background and the delicious aroma was intoxicating.

"Uh-huh but why-?" Puzzlement rose in her now calm tone, as she made her way back to the coffee maker, grabbing two mugs and pouring coffee in them.

Hiruma cackled suddenly and grinned with vigor. "Weeell, damn manager, according to _this_," he flipped his laptop around to face her as she approached with the steaming mugs. "The homework has been cancelled. See?"

Mamori sweat dropped anime style as she stared at her English teachers email. Hiruma just spit his gum out and sipped on the scorching hot coffee that had only just been made.

**Dear students,**

**It has been brought to my attention by a certain student that I have been assigning too much unnecessary homework that could um 'corrupt valuable # football time and energy'. So I have humbly decided to cancel the previous assignment due to this unfortunate circumstance.**

**Mrs. Yamamoto, English department, class 4A**

**PS Please don't tell anyone about that…thing please!!**

It was so painfully obvious who was responsible for this wonderful news. "Hi-hiruma why did you do this?"

Hiruma grinned at his handywork, ignoring her and sipping on his coffee. "That's right Masuki. I'll keep your lil secret about dating your cousin safe. KEKEKE!"

Mamori just smiled faintly. "Hiruma that was so kind of you but honestly, you didn't need to go to such lengths." _Poor woman. I hope she's not too tramatized .But that's pretty bad._

His empty mug slammed on the table with a thud. "That wasn't for you damn manager, I've been overdue to give that cocky woman a threat and I haven't done that effen assignment anyways."

Hiruma was lying of course. English was one of his best subjects and homework was always done in a flash, if he felt like doing it that is. But he felt the absurd need to do this feat. Mamori just shook her golden brown tresses and finished her mug, feeling the caffeine jitter her nerves. She fished her phone out of her blazer pocket and called her mom.

"Hey mom I'll be home late. Yes. Uh-huh. Well the door got stuck and we're waiting for someone with the spare key. No Hiruma won't… sigh yes ma'm. I'll be fine, mom."

He watched from the corner of his eyes as was habitual, her mother was so concerned about her daughter, and more so about being stuck with him. Whatever. He went back to digging dirt on his new upcoming opponents. Hundreds of sites whizzed by his eyes as acute and keen as a hawk, noting every little tidbit with a simple glance. With a cracked grin, he felt at ease. This was something only he could do. Something that made him feel alive. "Yeah. I did my homework and now I just have some manager paperwork to do. No. I said I'll be okay mom. 'Kay. Bye!"

"Alllrighty now." She said with a blissfully tired smile. "Where was I?" She grabbed a stack of papers to go over with her pen. A hand darted and snatched the papers away…and held them over a lighter. "KEKEKEKEKEKE!!"

"HIRUMA!" Mamori was caught off guard and mad! "I need those papers!"

Ashes swirled around in the air as a lazy pyro leaned back in his chair pretending nothing happened and pulled out yet another stick of sugarless gum. "HIRUMA! YOU YOU JERK!!" He popped a bubble unaffected. "HIRUMA! NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! THAT WAS IMPORTANT FOR THE NEXT GAME!"

He put his hands behind his head. "Well damn manager I don't need any more info on them. I already completed the strategy plans A-W for this team earlier today, and to finish I need my files back home so… sleep already damnit!" He kept his face shrouded again so she couldn't see his eyes.

Mamori blinked, surprised. _He did all that so I could rest?! _"Thanks Hiruma." The blonde watched her features grace a kind smile, her hypnotic blue eyes danced, and the way she beamed at him with golden bangs framing her flushing face just so, with lips curved lightly, it was enough to melt most effen shrimps hearts. A ghost of a grin twitched at the corners of her mouth. "Tch. Dunno what you're thanking me for damn manager."

A happy sigh emitted from her grinning lips as she settled herself at a table and yawned. "Guess I don't have a choice huh?" Greatfully, she placed her head on her weary arms and closed her eyes.

"Wipe that effen stupid look off your face…manager." Again he left off the profanity but this time it was pleasant. She drifted off listening to the clacks as he tirelessly slaved away on his laptop.

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With a moan, Mamori lifted her leaden head, brushing her bangs away to check the time on her watch. 9:15 P.M. Still not time. She felt numb creases buzz on her face from where she rested her head on her arm. Something brushed against her cheek, tickling. Startled, she felt for the foreign object resting on her shoulder, a blazer. More specifically a boy's blazer. Sleepily yet very much astounded, she looked about the darkened room for the other trapped occupant, minus his jacket. Most likely still busy with digging for data, she thought. He was leaning back in his chair but…with eyes closed!

Very much touched by his gentleman-like actions and gasping slightly, with an awed smile, her now alert eyes befell his slumbering form. She watched this rare scene, watched his sturdy chest rise and fall gently, his right hand clutching a black machinegun like a tyke cuddling a teddy, his face with the closest form of a peaceful expression as she had ever seen on his leering facade.

"He was as tired as I was…" She breathed. Shrugging off Hiruma's blazer, she crept slowly to the sleeping devil, careful not to wake him. Abruptly he mumbled drowsily (something about a damn fumble), shifting his body and his brows stitching into a determined frown. This would have been the best blackmail material on him, but fortunately for him, the kindly girl wasn't the type. The motherly manager slipped the blazer over his lanky form and took a step back, cautious. That's when she noticed it. The black book. The one that told everyone's darkest secrets and was the source of fear for one and all. Just poking out of his blazer pocket, calling to her. _Read me_, it said, _you know you want to! YA-HA!_

"No!" She scolded herself. "I shouldn't be tempted. That's none of my business." But she just couldn't help thinking… _Hmm…but what if it said something about me? What could it possibly say about me? _She shook the thought from her mind quickly. None of her concern. What did she care? But then… _What does it say about Sena?_

This whole situation made her think of that old fable about the boy who stole the golden goose from under the giant's sleeping nose. With the gold, he could save his mother from poverty, heck he could be rich for as long as the goose lived! A once in a lifetime decision!2

That's what she did. For once she ignored her conscience, choosing the dark idea. _YA-HA! About damned time goody-goody!_ She shivered as she heard Hiruma's voice echoing in her guilty mind.

"For Sena!" She thought aloud firmly. "For Sena only." With a tentative hand she reached out to grab that horrible little book, dog eared and bookmarked to heck. Almost out of his blazer pocket, Hiruma moved slightly in his slumber, freezing her. He pulled the machinegun closer to his body with a death grip, face troubled.

_What is he dreaming about?!_ She thought with wonder. She soon found out when he randomly cackled in his sleep. "Kekeke! I'll kick your sorry ass Agon!" (insert anime sweatdrop) Her fingers moved with lightning speed, grasping the vile evil thing like Eve and an apple.3 The temptation was so very great. She turned her back on the devil and summoned up her wits as she flipped through the 'S' section. _Sena, Sena, Sena._

She nearly jumped out of her skin when something brushed her arm. EEIIAAA!! "What do ya think you're doing, heh?" Mamori whipped her head around, clutching the book to her chest, eyes alarmed and a look similar to a deer caught in the headlights. She prepared herself for heck…only to see…Hiruma was still asleep.

"KEKEKEKE!! Nice try ya effen #&!!" (again insert sweatdrop here, heck the biggest you can find.) His features grew the largest menacing grin he could fit on his face, blonde hair draping limply over his closed eyes. With arms eagle spread (brushing her arm) and beloved machinegun resting innocently on his chest, Mamori couldn't help but giggle. _Just take it all in, Mamori, before he wakes up.OMG! Is he starting to drool?!HAHAHA!! _She chocked on her contained laughter, nearly gagging and wiping away tears. _Man I could get an ulcer!_

"Phew." Very much relieved, the daring girl went back to her mission. Finally, she found her friend's name after much flipping through, trying her hardest not to find her own name.

**Sena Kobayakawa**

**One helluva short midget freshie. Is constantly protected by that cream-puff inhaling damn manager.**

"Hey!" She huffed. "I should've known." After being content that nothing bad was written about her precious brother like figure, she knew it was time to put the book back. But something unusual caught her eye.

**Spiderman**

**His real name is Peter Parker and he loves some chick named Mary Jane Watson who sucks at acting even though he says she's amazing. Dude getta life. Kekeke! A damn radioactive spider bite him. Now he's a spider. What an effen nerd. He eats bugs when know one's looking.**

(SweatdropS!! PLURAL!!) "This can't be real."

**Hell yeah this a fake threat book ya effen snoop! You thought! YA-HA! OoO**

**With love from heck,**

**Yoichi Hiruma**

It was then that Mamori threw the book at the sleeping demon. Right at his drooling mug. "DARN YOU HIRUMA!!"

"EEIIIAAHH!! WHAT THE HELL!?" No one had ever witnessed the quarterback as surprised and confused as he was now. He nearly fell out of his chair as he jumped straight into the air, a book smashed into his visage. His blazer fluttered like an ironic gentle breeze in the chaotic clubhouse.

"YOU ARE SUCH A BAKA!!"

Then, the two just stared at each other blankly, at a loss for words. "…"

Hiruma soon analyzed the situation by the book now on the ground at his feet. "Oh."

Yoichi Hiruma, the great genius behind the invincible Deimon Devilbats, the man of a million and one comebacks, a vocabulary that could put a dictionary to shame, that same young man simply…said 'oh'. And then it happened. "KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKKEKE!! AHAHAHA!! OH! YOU FOUND!! KEKEKEKE!! THE FAKE THREAT BOOK!!KEKEKEKEKEKE!!" He grasped his stomach and practically started rolling on the ground laughing. Tears of laughter were streaming down his demonic face as he guffahed loud enough for the world to tremble. Never before seen and never again in public. For one time only. Yoichi Hiruma was passed out laughing like a maniac. And Mamori, poor little Mamori Anezaki could only…join in.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU!! HAAHAHAH!! LOOK LIKE AN!! AHAHAHAHAH!! IDIOT!!"

"KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE!! SO!! KEKEKEKE! DO YOU!! KEKEKEKEKEKEEKEE!!"

"Aw…aheh. Keh. Eheh. Oh man." The laughter subsided and the twosome wiped tears away. Trying to grab their usual serious masks, they let the last chuckles fade away. Hiruma was leaning against the wall, machinegun in hand, blazer like a blanket in his lap, smiling like heck. Mamori was blushing furiously from her outlandish outburst, leaning against the wall with one hand, grinning down at the boy on the ground.

"Damn manager."She smiled down at him as he actually looked a bit awkward with his words. "That was…fun." His eyes danced with new vigor, one she'd never seen. But then tonight was different.

"Hiruma, I'm…glad I got stuck in here just to witness that." She blushed expecting a jibe or anger, but was again surprised by the unexpected.

"Me too, damn manager, me too." And that was when he looked into the icy blue depths of her eyes, I mean really delved into them. Seconds ticked by once again. He swam in them until he had to resurface for air.

When he finally looked away, the manager could've sworn that there was faint blush creeping on his creeks. "Hey Hiruma?"

"Hugn?" he grunted in embarrassed reply.

"Did ya have a great dream about kicking Agon's-"

"DAMN MANAGER!" CHEKCHEK! (his machinegun)

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12:30 A.M When Musashi finally got off work and made his way to the clubhouse. He was honestly not expecting what he saw when he glanced through the window. He just might need counciling.

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This is how it started... Hiruma needed to spit out his chewed out piece of gum.

"Hey manager. Move the trashcan." SPITUIE!

"Oh Hiruma! That's gross!" Mamori watched as he moved farther and farther away from the trashcan, seeing how far he could spit his old gum into the trashcan.

"Wanna have a bet damn manager?" He cocked an eyebrow, grinning mischieviously.

The manager in question just couldn't say no despite herself. "You're on Hiruma!"

It just so happened that poor unfortunate Musashi viewed them as the spitting comensed into a serious battle. Who would win from three feet away?!

Sadly, no one would ever know because Mamori accidently dropped the last chewed piece on the floor. "Aw!!"

"Kekekeke! Looks like I win!" The youth cackled triumphantly, firing a handgun in the air as celebration.

The girl pouted and blushed, tossing the gum away in defeat. "Next time it's a challenge of bubble blowing Hiruma!"

"Kekeke! Alright." It was then that the boy suddenly got closer to the damn manager, the challenge still fresh in the air. "Have you forgotten the bet manager? I won so..."

Mamori blushed crimson. "But-!" "No but's Mamori." There, he said her name! It was final! Musashi just about had a heart attack as his usually emotionless friend approached the flushed manager with waggling fingers and a sly mischievious grin. _DEAR GOD!_

"H-hiruma please!" "Your bet manager."

Mushashi stood transfixed, unable to move. _What was his friend gonna do?! _And then...

"KEKEKEKEKE!! TICKLE ATTACK!!" "HIRUMA NOOOO!!" "You wanted torchure manager!"

Musashi never got to unlock the door,(Okay so he did eventually but...) he fainted like a wuss. When the devil starts to tickle his vicims instead of killing them, you know it's the end of the world.

Moral of story: Hiruma is not all that evil. Kekeke! YA-HA!

_**THIS IS SO FREAKIN LONG! Next time will just be a quicki lil mini. Honestly this is the longest I've ever written EVER.**_

**_This is like a cliché situation a crazed fangirl drunk on apple juice would create!__1 _**_me_

_**Old fable about the boy who stole the golden goose from under the giant's sleeping nose.**__**2** __yeah that ain't no Jap. fable. So sue me._

**_grasping the vile evil thing like Eve and an apple.__3_**_ no offense intended! I promise! Just a metaphor! I'm Catholic!_

Hiruma: DAAAAAMN this is an effen long story!

Me: And it's so cliché-ly kawi! You should be embarrassed more okay!

Hiruma (pissed): WAFFLE!

Me: PLEASE DON"T! I'LL STOP!

Hiruma: TBA! Next time, what does 'waffle' mean to the author?

Me: NOOOOOO!!

**REVIEW IF YOU LIKE PIE! (hiruma: or waffles! kekeke! me: darnet you!)**

snippet of next time: "Mamori?! What's wrong with you? Hiruma do something!" Hiruma don't panic!

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	3. Freaky Friday and Wednesday

**His Nametag Said ****Hello My Name Is: ****Goodbye Now Die**

_This Mini's Summary: In a nutshell. There. Ha. Figure it out bakas! JK! Mamori and Hiruma have finally lost it.(Hiruma: Besides last chapter. That never happened. Chekchek(gun loaded) RIIIIGGHT?!)_

**Last time:**

**Me: I like to start off with some casual conversation…so Hiruma…you're gay? You love Sena?**

**Everyone: HHUUHH! (Huh bros: Huh? Huuuhhh! HHUUHHUHUHU!?)**

**Hiruma: WTH?!**

**Sena and Hiruma look at each other and barf.**

**Me: All your fans seem to think that. That and/or you're a perv doing R rated things.**

**Hiruma: WTH?! DAMN FANGIRLS AND GAY #&()(&#&(&#&!! I'm gonna &#&(&#& trackem' down and KILL THEM!!**

**Mamori: Please don't kill the misguided #&#!&s!!**

**Everyone and Hiruma: MAMORI?!**

**Me: …Well start writing your wills freaky fangirls and ect. Hiruma…I don't blame you. (And I distracted him from the 'waffles' story!)**

_Characters: Heck all of em!_

_Plot: Only Hiruma knows. Some Hirimori and Sensuzu and NO gay crap. shudder_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I own this computer to type this crap. But nothing else cool. Heck I don't even own my own name. Hiruma bought it for 5 in a bet. I also don't own Polaroid cameras._

_A/N: Reviewers are frightened of me. ALL EXCEPT MY NEW AMIGA WindMistressYouna! Thank the lord! And 72669 I read your story and thought it powned! Thanks for reviewin! Not many have reviewed like you peeps but… Oh well, less witnesses for the mysterious 'waffle' story. Also, Hiruma is a poopoo mouth. And I'm sorry I keep toying around with the 'neechan' titles ect. and stuff but I just had to randomly put that in the story. Don't ask. Oh and hey that snippet from last chapter? Never happens! HAHA! YOU THOUGHT! Also I don't know what the "wednesday" in the title has to do with anything. AND THE WAFFLE STORY LATER IS NOT REAL! I SWEAR!_

Random Song of Mo: Monsters by Matchbox Romance

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**Chapter Three: Freaky Friday and Wednesday**

Sena couldn't help but blush as Suzuna hugged him after the game, the whole time he had changed out of his uniform , showered and slipped into clean clothes, he was remembering the way she had cheered his name, the way she'd made eye contact after he'd scored that touchdown, and the special smile that 

she seemed to save only for him. He had tried not to get distracted all game, in fact, Hiruma had to constantly pepper his backside with bullets in order to keep him on track. Heck the midget was on Cloud Nine, and on his way there off and running on water. Poor kid was so far under and he didn't even know it.

"Great job out there today Sena! I'm so glad we won!" The perky head cheerleader squealed with delight as she squeezed the life out of the chestnut-head.

"Eheh! Um well…Yeah I'm glad we won too! It was a great match! We will make it to the Christmas Bowl!"He chimed confidently. And the raven-haired girl couldn't help but think his reply was so cool, even though it always started nervously_. Sigh…he's gotten so confident from playing football. Brother too._

They walked side by side in cheerful bliss to the clubhouse, just enjoying the others company, and smiling in a way neither could explain. They happily climbed up the stairs (well however a girl in skates can) to the clubhouse, pausing only to greet Mamori, who was already there and sweeping the front porch.

"Sigh…hello Mamori-neechan. How ar- MAMORI-NEECHAN?!" The couples eyes went as wide as footballs from the sight before them. All of the glee from the moment before vanished like a bowl of rice in front of Kurita.

Mamori-neechan wasn't sweeping the porch with her trademark apron. Hiruma was.

Y-you-nii?!" Gasped Suzuna, for Sena's mouth was dragging on the ground.

The quarterback stopped sweeping and turned around to face them…a friendly smile similar to the one on field day gracing his usually leering face. "Why hello sweet little effen shrimps I mean peoples! I hope you're having a _beautiful _day! Eheehee!" Now Suzuna needed to carry the fainted running back, because she was seriously worried about the fate of all things bright and beautiful.

But Hiruma skipped, yes skipped over to her, with an enormous bag labeled first aid kit. "Oh my dear, Sena! Are you okay? Did you get a cold or heatstroke or maybe rabies that's okay I have all the proper vaccinations right here!"

Sena's eyes cracked open and Suzuna looked worriedly at him as Hiruma pulled the largest needle she had ever seen from out of the bag. "Suzuna? Ugh, what happened? I had a horrible nightmare that Hiruma was using a very girly falsetto voice to impersonate Mamori-neechan and-ARG!"

The poor boy was being hugged yet again, except not by anyone he expected. "Oh Sena I'm so relieved that you are okay you gave me such a scare and I thought I was going to have to perform open heart surgery and OMG! Do you need a lozenge?" Hiruma was hovering around the boy like a bee, eyes bright with that foreign emotion. Worry.

Sena fainted again. Suzuna could only pray to the heavens above that the end of the world wasn't coming soon because she hadn't even told Sena…that…thing she's always wanted to tell him.

A few minutes later Sena cracked his eyes open again and immediately noticed something wasn't quite right. "Suzuna? Um de ja vu?" Suddenly he realized what was not right. He couldn't move his arms. Or legs. "WHA?!" He was tightly bound…in gauze. Very much like a mummy. Suzuna's head came into his limited field of vision.

"Um You-nii… he…" But before she could finish, well…speak of the devil.

"OH SENA!" His falsetto rang out with psychotic glee. "You fell so hard when you fainted I was worried that your brains were gonna fall out and then maybe the rest of your body would spontaneously combust and so I wrapped you all up just to be safe!"

Sena struggled not to faint again in front of Suzuna. "Uh Hiruma? Where's Mamori-neechan?" And right on cue…

BANGBANGBANG!! "WHAT THE HELL IS WITH ALL THIS NOISE?!" The peaceful, motherly Mamori kicked the door down and stood aiming a giant bazooka at the three on the porch. Her face contorted to the look of pure insane evil.

The effen shrimps were paralyzed with fear and horror. (Sena was simply paralyzed since he couldn't move from all the gauze. What was happening?! "M-mamori…nee…chan?" "WAH! DAMN MANAGER! I JUST FIXED THAT DOOR!"

Said girl furiously strode toward them, never looking quite so fearsome and handy with a firearm. "I'm trying to peacefully strategize our next game and all I hear is your damn perky chitchat!"

Hiruma stood protectively over the still bound, very baffled boy, the blonde's voice still girly and mocking. "No damn manager! Weave dem awone! The only crime they've commited is looking so adorable together!"

The two in question burned in embarrassment. Mamori (?) looked bored and unaffected and peppered off a few rounds in their general direction with Hiruma (?) blocking the warfare with his (?!) broom. "DAMN MANAGER, STOP THAT VIOLENCE AT ONCE!"

And of course it got violent. Mamori firing with unnerving accuracy at the quarterback and Hiruma blocking easily and lashing out with his deadly broom. BOOM! SMACK! BANG! #& SWISH! LASH! #

"Pst!" That was when two heads popped out from inside the doorway of the clubhouse. Kurita and Komusubi. And the couple's confusion and shock was mirrored on their faces. Finally, they thought, maybe they know what's going on? Maybe?

After sneaking around the battling twosome, Sena and (being dragged since he was still mummified) Suzuna darted into the safety of the clubhouse.

"Oh thank goodness you're here Sena! I thought you got killed or something cuz I saw you fall to the ground and-"

"Monta? Is that you? I can't really see!" Sena felt hands on where his arms where wrapped up. RIP! His right hand was free! With speed only Sena knew of, he tore through the rest of the gauze and looked around the room so fast he almost got dizzy.

"You okay Sena?"Monta was kneeling beside him with a pair of scissors in hand, Kurita and Komusubi were standing worriedly nearby. Musashi was seated at the table, calmly flipping through the latest football monthly, the Hah brothers were all watching with interest and fear at the spectacle outside, Taki was doing that weird spinning thing he always did, and Yuki was simply shaking his head, sitting at the same table as Musashi trying to focus on the piles of homework in front of him. There also was a ton of party stuff everywhere. Like a party had started and never finished. (Am I forgetting anyone? Ishimaru? No one cares about him. **Ishimaru: Wah! I know**!)

Suzuna skated over to her brother and told him to stop spinning around, skated on his back when he didn't listen, then with an "Ahaha" he listened. Sena was at his wits end by now, fainting does that to a chibi. On the porch the battle escaladed into a war accentuated with heavier artillery that Mamori somehow got a hold of and even more mysteriously knew how to use. The cursing and yelling also seemed to grow louder.

"DAMN MANGER!" A shrill-voiced Hiruma yelped. "STOP DESTROYING THE CLUBHOUSE! WE'RE ON A TIGHT BUDGET!"

"WELL I DON"T #!#&(&(&!!#&(!!"

Sena couldn't take it any longer. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?!"

Everyone in the clubhouse stared shocked at the usually shy boy's outburst. Monta shook his head sadly. "Dunno dude. No one understands it, either."

Yuki looked up from his homework and sighed. "Only that it happened recently. They sure weren't acting like this in the game a few hours ago. We all got here immediately after the game, well Kurita and Komusabi went out to eat first but well we all ended up coming here to celebrate only to find those two- (he gestured outside with a thumb as the walls shook from some blast)- already here and with swapped personalities."

Kurita fussed with some tea at the kitchenette, grabbing some cream puffs from Mamori's secret stash, and dumping all the sugar cubes in stock in his steaming tea. "I'm worried about those two! They've been at odds for the whole time before you got here!" Komusabi grunted in agreement before shouting that weird one word combo (combo?!), "S-sky!" "?!"

Kurita, used to no one else knowing what the heck he's always saying, obliged with a translation. "That's so beautiful Komusabi! He said that since the brilliant arcs of light that fall from the already risen full moon of splendor are presently in cooperation with the blinding burning sun in the sky, the two 

opposite forces of purest good and purest evil have morphed and blended into the outrageous swapping of personality and led to most unfortunate chaos!"

The football team and Suzuna just blinked. "Huh? HUUHH? HHUUHUHHHH!?" "And _that_ means?!"

Yuki understood fully what the shotie lineman had said (well by the translation). "He means that the full moon that's in the sky right now even though it's still daytime has something to do with this."

"Oh…" BANGBAMsLAPWAPOTOMOTOPIA!! (outside noise)

"Or they made another bet." The peeps looked at the voice's source, Musashi.

"What do ya mean Musashi?" Monta asked puzzled.

"Well everyone knows that they make bets with each other right?" The others scratched their brains.

Sena piped up. "Well there was that one time when Mamori first came to be the manager, about the three questions!"

Musashi realized that the other bets he had recently witnessed (tickling being one of them) were unknown to the others so he moved on. "Well maybe this is a bet they made." **(Ishimaru: I agree with you Musashi! No one heard him, as usual.)**

The others thought about it…"Nah! Komusubi must be right!" (sweat drop here)

Monta tried to change the subject. "Hey Sena? So where were you and Suzuna when all this began, huh?"

Spies that they are, the Huh bros (or Hah depending which translated version you've read) leaned in from their front row seat at the window going "Oh look at that nice Broom uppercut! Ouch that grenade went off on his- SENA AND SUZUNA DATING?! HUH HUHH?! HUHUUHHH??" They gathered around the shrimps as they reddened brightly. "What _were_ you guys doing huh? On a date?!"

Musashi wondered where the brains had gone in this building to believe some fantasy theory over his bet theory and then dismiss the absurdity of what was going on outside as the usual. Well Yuki had just rolled his eyes at the fact that no one was paying attention, but Musashi couldn't help but be a little concerned with everyone dismissing things so lightly. Had everyone gone mad or was everyone that used to the impossible that fantasy could very well happen? Well whatever the cause….

"HUH?! N-no! We were just taking our time getting here and" "You guys are super fast so yeah right tell the truth!" "But we really were just-" "LIER!" "I'm not always running around!" "Nu-uh!" "We just talked all the way here!" "Pants on fire!" "WHERE? I"LL PUT IT OUT 100!" (Taki)

"WHAT THE #&! IS GOING ON IN HERE?!" It seemed the war was over for sweet Mamori was back with her new friend called 22 caliber rifle. Hiruma's broom had several bullet holes but still in one piece amazingly. He waved his apron around as he skipped into the kitchenette to the refrigerator.

"Damn manager let them gossip. It's good for them to bond while stabbing each other in the back with made up lies."

Mamori 'tched' and sat back in Hiruma's usual chair, with her legs propped up. A very odd visual.

Hiruma searched through the fridge for something, and not finding what he was looking for cried out in grief. "OMG!! All of my wonderful cream puffs are gone!"

Kurita looked guiltily at his plate. "Oh um sorry I-"

Hiruma spun around abruptly with wild eyes. "You…ate…MY…cream puffs."

Kurita was very confused. He didn't know whether to apologize to Mamori, Hiruma pretending to be Mamori, or to just cry from the confusion of it all and the fury in Hiruma's eyes.

"Kekeke! Hiruma's mad now fatty!" Mamori cackled uncharacteristically from the table. Kurita looked panicked for once and looked wildly for help from the others.

Sena suddenly ran from the clubhouse only to return a few seconds later with a new batch of cream puffs. "Uh here you go Hiruma-san…" The blonde glomped the chibi and crowed. "Oh thank you oodles Sena! My favorite!" Then he snatched the box away and started stuffing his face, cream flying everywhere. MUNCH MUNCH! "Oh so delicious I could get seriously overweight and die! Yea!"

"Hell yeah you will." Growled Mamori/Hiruma.

Then it happened. Hiruma continued to pig out in front of awed onlookers, making sure to make as much mess as possible and powdering the whole area, when suddenly… "MUNCH OH SO CREAMY AND PUFFY AND- Oh crap. DAMMIT THIS STUFF IS DISGUSTING! DAMMIT! IM GONNA PUKE!"

Mamori suddenly whooped! "Yes! I win Hiruma! I win I win I win!" The gathered team just stared.

Hiruma ran to the fridge and snagged a bottled water. He growled, "DAMN CREAM PUFFS!" before chugging the contents and taking a gulp of air. "I hate that crap. I HATE IT! IT'S SO EFFEN _SUGARY_!" He wiped his powdery mug and glared at the now normal manager.

"Ha! I win Hiruma!" The brunette smiled triumphantly in his direction. Everyone else (and Ishimaru who no one notices except a fly who won't leave him alone and won't die) has lost all understanding of the moon theory. Hiruma growled with anger, "HELL NO MANAGER! THAT WASN'T THE BET!"

"Ha! I knew it! And everyone else thought it was the 'moon'." Musashi gave a grin and mentally high fived himself.

Sena peered at the normal Mamori-neechan. "What was the bet?"

His senpai gave a sympathetic smile at her much abused friend. "Well to see whoever was the best impersonator of the other." Her eyes darkened as she looked back at the sugar coated demon. "And I don't act all overly protective like that! And I _definitely_ don't act like that about cream puffs!"

Hiruma smirked. "Tch. That's what you think manager. Just ask anybody in this room and they'll agree with me."

"Fine I will." She huffed. "Sena?"

"Eh?" Suddenly the boy whose name could accidentally be named Sean, felt he could die from this answer. "Uh well…"

"KEKEKEKE! YA SEE?!"

Mamori looked eerily calm. So Kurita tried to dissuade the tension. "Well not quite as extreme as Hiruma portrayed you but…it was close I guess. Mamori played Hiruma perfectly."

Hiruma simply looked at the manager, signaling… _Can…I…have…my…gun…back…please? Fatty…has…betrayed…me. _The girl furiously shook her head. NO! He's…right!

Kurita could feel that they were talking about him and felt wary. "Um…"

"Well I think it was a tie!" All eyes went to Sena, who was doing that randomly confident thing. "You both were so unnervingly like the other that….well…I dunno I think that you both did…uh equally well?"

With a groan the other's replied. "SENA GET SOME GUTS MAN AND FINISH WHATCHA STARTED!! (100! (Taki))

"Hmm…" The blonde (still powdery) demon looked thoughtfully amused.

"What is it?"

The boy grinned, "Well I've never tied in a bet before…soo…" The way he stared intensely at Mamori was frightening.

"B-but Hiruma!" The girl looked dismayed, then defeated. "Well fine but I'm not happy about it."

"KEKEKE! That's right damn manager! You know the drill." A wolfish grin was the only way to describe Hiurma's expression.

"And you too Hiruma! No running away ignoring the bet like on the three questions."

"Tch." He rolled his eyes. "Fine."

Suzuna , who was dying with curiousity, questioned her friend. "Mamo-nee? What do you guys hafta do?"

The interrogated girl looked at the floor and felt her face flush. "Well…"

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"WHAT!? HUH ECT!?"

Mamori walked out of the locker room sporting a blonde spiky wig. Everyone nearly fainted with the all the jumbled up emotions just then. Hilarity, bewilderment, astonishment, and grief just to name a few. Yes the last one because she was a beautiful young woman without that hideous yellow thing on her head.

CLICK! "Oh wow! Discipline committee president dyed her hair blonde and joined a gang?" Hiruma said, amusement twitching his mouth. He twirled his Polaroid camera about as the girl fumed, broom clutched with a death grip in her own hand. The gleeful demon pocketed the photographic evidence before she could snatch it away (or smack it with a broom).

"Hiruma! Your turn!" Mamori _needed _to see this! Heck everyone gathered under this roof (and Ishimaru dadadada) was bursting with excitement to see the unbelievable!

"I wonder what he'll look like?" Sena (not Sean) wondered aloud. Monta chimed in, "What if he wore a pink wig?" The chums both burst out in a fit of giggles.

Jumonjii, who overheard, snorted. "Hey ya gotta camera? I wanna remember this."

The clubhouse was in uproarious excitement for the image to become reality. Hiruma in a brunette wig? (That no one can comprehend where the heck the wigs came from in the first place.) This was a sight to behold! (Before one dies.) Like the pyramids of Egypt, Mt. Fuji, that place in Jordan that was in Indiana Jones, heck all the seven wonders (that I can't think about what they are right now!) This was the eighth wonder! And…

The question was voiced by not just one voice alone. "Um…where's Hiruma?"

Little did they know that Hiruma was long gone while their imagination distracted them… and very much wigless…"KEKEKE! I said I'd do it but I never said when! KEKEKE! YA-HA!"

And thus ends a very sad chapter.

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Later that night at Hiruma's abode, when he woke up to get a glass of water…yes somehow a brunette wig was on his head…and to this day…he doesn't know how.

FIN!

**Sam: Hi I'd like to thank my lil bro for coming up with the absurdly random 'wig' thing when my brain couldn't function! YOU ROCK LIL BRO!**

**LilBro: Thanks! I'd just like to say that, the ice cream man won't be coming round their neighborhood no morez! I mean with that ugly hair, sick!**

**Sam: o…k. OoO Well anywho I'm a lil concerned with how stupid this story is. I mean, Hiruma doesn't get to show the world his beautiful brunette hair! To go with his new feminine voice.**

**Hiruma: Well you know what?! You'd better be nice to me cuz I'm gonna tell everyone your secret! So arigato! KEKEKEKE!**

**Sam: NO! I let you get away from everyone!**

**Hiruma: But you did that at the end didn't you?**

**Sam: No I didn't honest! oOo**

**Hiruma: Sorry I don't believe you!**

**Sam: BUT I DIDN"T-**

**Hiruma: Back in the first grade you went to a restaurant at breakfast time for the first time in your young boring life…**

**Sam: PLEASE NO!!**

**Hiruma: …there was so many choices to choose from on the menu…bacon and eggs? Nah. Pancakes? Nope. Waffles?**

**Sam: LALALALALALLAL!! (covering ears) NOT LISTENING!!**

**Hiruma: Sure! Everyone loves those toaster waffles, ne?**

**Sean: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!**

**Hiruma: (blasts him to heck) Dunno who you are but you're ruining the story.**

**Sam: I will always love you for interrupting Sean! Whoever you are!**

**Sean: (blush) Ayuck! Shucks…**

**Hiruma (writes this tidbit in notebook): Now where were we? Ah yes! Everyone loves toaster waffles.**

**Sam: DANGIT YOU!**

**Hiruma: So what do you order Miss? That's right the whole plot of the story…waffles…only not the toaster kind you were used to. Oh No! The Belgium kind. And with a crappy face with whipped cream and breakfast fruits!**

**Sam: SOMEONE HOLD ME! (bangs head continuously on table)**

**Sean: Ok I will! (GLOMP)**

**Sam: (throws him at Hiruma) PERV!**

**Sean: I thought what we had was special!**

**Hiruma: (ties a rocket launcher to him and fires him off to the moon where he will never return) And you were so hungry weren't you?**

**Sam: …**

**Hiruma: Then you saw it…**

**SAM: THAT"S ENOUGH!**

**Hiruma: It's whipped cream face…was soo hideous and scary…**

**SAM: SHUP UP! T.T**

**Hiruma: …that you cried and threw the waffle at the waitress's face it gave you nightmares for seven years…and to this day**

**Sam: GRRR!! :O**

**Hiruma: …you can never go to the I.H.O.W. for fear of meeting with that waitress who swore she would kill you the next time she saw you!**

**Sam: I HATE YOU HIRUMA!**

**Hiruma: I LOVE ME! KEKEKE!**

**Sean (on moon): I LOVE YOU SAM!**

**Sam: And I hate you! AND Hiruma loves either Sena or Mamori huh?**

**Hiruma: (twitch) What was that?!**

**Sam: Gay…**

**Sean: I'm never coming down from here now that I know that.**

**Bro: And the ice cream man is _definitely_ never coming down your street again now.**

**Sam: You're still here?! You heard all that!?**

**Brobro: yep. I remember all that! :2**

**Sam: Your poor ears are permanently damaged now! Run along home dearest bro! :3**

**Hiruma: Tch.**

**Sam: I've read that story from 72669 and I know ya hava sis. So stop being so 'tch'!**

**Hiruma: Damn waffle.**

**Sam: TBA!**

**Bro: By the way...I made that wig appear in your sleep H.**

**Sam: GASP IT WAS YOU! Im so proud and mad that you got me in trouble!**

**Hiruma: You're next chibi!**

**Sam: (bro protection mode) NEVER!**


	4. Mini Mymy

**His Nametag Said ****Hello My Name Is: ****Goodbye Now Die**

This Mini's Summary: Some random crappy mini's. Enjoy like you like it cuz I have feelings too ya know! Hiruma watches American satellite?! Sena, why is the sun so bright? Monta, do you hate the zoo? Mamori…I can't believe Hiruma doesn't know that yet! Perfect blackmail! (Hiruma: (ear twitch) What now?! Blackmail?!)

**Hiruma: KEKEKE! So you can't talk anymore huh? Too embarrassed?**

**Me: …**

**Mamori: Leave her alone!**

**Me: …**

**Sena: Um I'll race you to make you feel better! I know you like to run.**

**Me: …**

**Hiruma: Now then…I'll be taking over from now on! KEKEKE!**

**Me: …**

**Everyone: Wow she sure is upset.**

**Mamori: Feel guilty yet Hiruma?**

**Hiruma: HELL NO!**

_Characters: Heck all of em!_

_Plot: Only Hiruma knows. Some Hirimori and Sensuzu and NO gay crap. *shudder*_

_Disclaimer: I hate Hiruma…I mean I don't own…Eyeshield 21. Or any songs mentioned in any of my fics. Or anything not mine.(I don't really hate him I hart him! XD)_

_A/N: Ya know what Hiruma?! I'm gonna go back to the Bleach fanfic! (Hiruma: Hell, see if I care!) Oh you'll care when you won't have any non-Yaoi memories! I'll kick you to the curb and you're rep will be ruined! (Hiruma:…)Also I'd like to note that the original title has a line through the 'Hello My Name Is:' part to scratch it out. Stupid fanfic ways won't let me write that but oh well I win "longest title award" either way! XD_

Random Songs of Mos: Dare By Gorillaz, Helicopter By Bloc Party (go GH3 me own game but don't own it!!), Move Along By All American Rejects, My Name Is Love By Amy Diamond (I hart that ichiruki AMV on u-tube!)

_**Mini One! Thank God for Satellite TV!**_

So it seemed that the government finally wanted a few words with him at long last. With a confident smile and a long purposeful stride, the demon-boy kicked open the doors to the HQ. _This will be a quick visit once I flash a few blackmailing photos and whisper a few dark secrets into some bashful ears. But first…_

And it also appeared that Hiruma wasn't going anywhere without checking through security first. And of course this was all terribly obvious to the ever-scheming youth. He knew with certainty…that once he was given a going over with the first of many guards with a metal detector, the fear would be evident in their eyes as they pulled weapon after weapon, and they wouldn't even bother arresting him because of his notoriety with them (i.e. they've been blackmailed by him before). They both knew that weapons were mostly for show with him. They were merely used as a scaring implement and a way to make people dance.

So standing there for the first hour or so with trembling guards accumulating a massive heap of weapons and firearms, watching them search for any bug transmitters that could cause trouble if secrets got out to the wrong people, Hiruma recalled a catchy little jingle from a commercial on TV from when he tapped into (HOW? IS THAT POSSIBLE?!) American satellite TV transmissions.

"There ain't no bugs on me. No there ain't no bugs on me. Well there may be bugs on some of you mugs…" The guard's shaking grew somehow worse as he searched the intimidating teen from head to foot. There was something horribly wrong with the way he was singing that cutesy song. "…but there ain't no bugs on me! YA-HA!"

_**Mini Two! ZOOm!**_

Monta. That guy is like the reincarnation of the monkey king. Yes, this story is how the poor boy began his early childhood. It all began at obviously the zoo when he was five years old. Where he stared face to face with his wild doubles. His mom giggled at the bizarre cuteness of the scene and snapped a picture of him making faces at the caged versions, a cigarette in her left hand smoking and dropping swirls of embers on the cement. His five year old features contorted into a monkey-ish grin. This was a fun day! His mother rarely took him on such interesting outings.

Then, it happened.

"Hey Mom that boy looks like a monkey!" Another boy his age walked by and pointed at him with amusment. The other boy's mom stifled a laugh. "Um yes he does… but that's not a very nice thing to say honey." She chastised.

"Wha-?!" Small tears gathered in Monta's eyes. "I don't look like a monkey!" He pouted with yet another sadly monkey-ish expression. His mother stuck the butt of the cigarette in an ashtray.

"Aw come 'ere Rai sweety." His mom put a gentle hand around his small shoulders. "Don't worry about what others say. Ya know what?" Her soft brown eyes rested on his dark ones.

"Wha?" He asked. She ruffled his messy hair and smiled gently down at him. "I think monkeys are cute."

And lil Monta beamed at the semi compliment his mother gave him. She hadn't really gone out much with him let alone complimented him much ever since his dad left.

To this day Monta secretly doesn't mind it when his own mother calls him a monkey. But he gets majorly ticked off whenever someone calls him the same thing. As we all know.

_**Mini Three! Hips Don't Lie. But Can Computers?**_

One day the main character happened upon a most unusual sight as he strode into the eerily empty clubhouse. His footsteps sounded like thunder on the cement floor. "H-hello?" His timid voice echoed off the sparkling-clean walls. (Guess who cleaned them.) With tentative form, Sena looked about the seemingly vacant room and wiped sweat off his cheek with the back of his hand. "Geez...why is it so hot in here? I wonder if somebody turned on the heater?"

The chestnut-head sighed in relief that he saw no one in sight and crept over to the large table in the center of the room, Hiruma's laptop hummed softly on its surface. "Where did I put that- oh there it is!" He immediately spotted the note he had accidently left when Hiruma had kicked the team out for a hellish training session. With a sigh of relief he gingerly picked it up and re-read its contents with a large smile on his face. This was great! And everything- hey wait!

_Weird. Mamori-neechan left the note on the table? I would think she would be tracking me down to give it back or even placing it somewhere more orderly…no wait I hope she didn't read it!_

Sena stared at the said note with a sudden look of horror. Why didn't he just stuff the note in his pocket when he could?! Hopefully no one read the note…hopefully Hiruma-oh crap! HIRUMA READ IT DIDN'T HE?!

_AW DAMNIT!! HE JUST HAD TO HAVE!! WHAT DO I DO??!! HE'S NEVER GONNA LIVE THIS DOWN!_

He clutched the paper so hard in his nervous hands that it crumbled into a ball, reaching up with shaking hands to wipe more sweat off his face that had nothing to do with the temperature in the room.

"Watch it there kid. You're gonna mess up that special piece of paper in your hand there." Sena looked around startled for the source of the strange female voice. WAH??

"Who said that?? Who's there??"

"Sigh…well I can't blame you for freaking out kid…it's me…right here near the table."

The befudled boy swung his head in the tables direction, still not seeing anyone. Just Hiruma's silver laptop. _Strange Hiruma never leaves that out. Did he forget or what? _Wait. No way! No friggan way!

"Yep it's me the laptop. Yeah I thought you'd be that scared. Don't worry I don't bite. Hehe."

"Y-you can talk?!" Sena felt compelled to approach the silver thing in curiousity despite his fear of it. What if it was just as sinister as Hiruma? What if it was a trap? What if Hiruma came in just now remembering it and got furious that he was snooping? What if Hiruma had used his intelligence to actually create a computer companion to do his deeds? Like Plankton on that sponge show.

With one hand still clutching the precious paper, he slowly and very much cautiously opened the laptop to stare at the blinding screen. It was blank all except for one small blinking icon on the bottom right corner of the screen.

"I told you I won't hurt you. How could I anyways?" The voice was pleasant and crisp, with a slight sarcastic and rather tired edge to it. A slightly annoyed tone had worked into her (her?) voice though and gave him the impression that she wasn't used to people flaking out over her existence. "Geez I told Youichi he should've introduced me to his friends or else they would just run away scared at a computer chatting away with him."

_Youichi?? Sounds weird to call him that. And friends?? No way…well he has helped me out a lot…Talking computers shouldn't be surprising when it comes to Hiruma anyways so what the heck…I can talk to it right??_

"Um well nice to meet you then?" He questioned politely. Still feeling that this whole situation was bizarre.

"Nice to meet you formally Kobayakawa Sena. I was christened by Youichi with the distinguished name T.R.I.S.H.A."

"Uh Trisha? What an interesting name." _How did she know my name? Hiruma I'm assuming._

A flippant tone reached his ears. "Hehe! No! It's an acronym. Stands for Trickedout Random Information Systemisticus Hellish Accomplice."

Sena sweatdropped. Sounds just like him.

"You okay there kid…you look a bit pale." Sena blanched. _How the heck could it see anyways?? It's a computer for crying out loud!_

"Um yes I'm fine. Just feeling a bit weird talking to an inanimate object." Suddenly the room felt overwhelmingly hot…then cold…then hot…then cold again. Like Kami-sama couldn't make up his mind as to what temperature to make him feel. Sena wiped his brow again. "Well nice…talking…to you Trisha. I think…it's time for me to leave now…ehehe."

"Well take your time getting to that pretty little cheerleader who told you that she thinks your spikey hair is as big as your heart and wished that she could give you kisses every day of her life and-"

"GOODBYE TRISHA!!"

And he little runner did what he was good at and ran all the way back to where little running people should be at this time, his blushes leaving read blurs as he ran at hyperspeed the heck away.

As soon as he was gone a spikey blonde head _sooooooopppp_-ed slowly from behind the secret door no one knew about making evil cackles all the way. "Kekeke you did pretty damn good fing manger. The fing shrimp bought it hook and line!"

Said manager came out of the secret room with a frown on her face. "Hiruma I can't believe you talked me into doing something so cruel to poor Senaaaa! And gosh darn you it's too hot in here!"

Hiruma just smirked. "Kekeke! Well the devil likes it hot fing manager! And you should admit that being a computers voice doesn't happen everyday. Live a little fing goody-two-shoes!"

He flipped the thermostat to higher. "Oh yeasss the devil likes it hottttt!"

**Best be time to leave now children…..kekekeke~! Broom and gunfights get quite graphic.**

**Sorry this took so long to post I've had this story sitting on backburner for ages almost a whole year. Don't worry more will come…someday! kKEKEKEKEKKE!**


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